Defending a guy you don't really like: It's called being fair

Larry Craig. The guy's name is going to be the setup for lame late-nite comedy for years to come.

But what did he really do? Why is he such a bad guy?

If you're the type of person who believes that dues having sex with is really THAT BAD, then you're either Larry Craig (in public), or you're not reading this blog (Larry Craig reads this blog).

Now let's be up front here: I don't like Craig. I don't like his politics. I don't agree with anyone who wants to give different rights to gay people than the rest of us get. Let them get fucking married already. Jesus. They want to form a family, why do you care? I think sushi is fucking gross but I don't throw a temper tantrum whenever a Japanese resturant opens up. I don't start a movement to constitutionally redefine food as a cooked meat product between two bread products. I don't go in there. I don't eat the food. If you think ass sex is gross, here's a tip:

DON'T FUCK PEOPLE IN THE ASS. DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE FUCK YOU IN THE ASS.

If it's really that bad, just don't talk to the gay guy next door. Leave him alone. I know you hate the black and the mexican guy too, we just haven't been able to shout you down about the gays yet. Well, it's time. Shut the hell up about the gays. You faggot.

Thank you.

That said, what's being done to Craig is unfair. Sure, it's fun to do this story about Republicans casting themselves as the party of antiquated morals and all that high and mighty bullshit and then it turns out they're having sex with underage men who are not their wife. Or whatever. Yeah, it happens. Not always homosexuality, not always marital infidelity, sometimes it's just general scumminess about the way they treat other people.

And yeah, it's an important story. Hypocrisy needs to be exposed. We need to find a moral standard we can live with and I think we need to cut out the parts about what holes are okay to put things in and focus on the way we treat people, especially those who can't defend themselves.

But what really happened here? I'm not sure. Maybe if I'm making a decision to vote for this guy, I say, okay, there's a lot of circumstancial evidence against him: His creepy condemnation of Bill Clinton as a "dirty nasty boy", his almost reflexive condemnation of the Foley scandal not shared by other members of his party. And that's fine. But I think the way he's getting railroaded is unfair.

The press gave no credence to this story that this was a "coerced" confession. They make a HUGE deal out of this guilty plea thing, since they know they can get away with it. It's the law! That's the retarded fucking argument people who hate Mexicans use too. It's the law! They're here illegally! We ought to shoot them! They broke our law!

Well, yeah, it is the law, and blah blah blah should have known better blah. But he did the best thing he could for himself, really. Let's assume for a moment that you're Larry Craig and you know you're innocent. You just have a wide stance... and not on the issues.

Apparently you accidentally stumbled on the "gay code" for toilet sex. Now maybe this code is real, but it seems easy enough to stumble upon. Tapping your feet - not all that uncommon. I've been in there with guys humming. Okay. Enough of that now. What do I really do? Do I call my lawyer, risk this thing getting to court? If it does, with the Republican hypocrisy such a huge issue, and the Foley scandal still sore in our minds, isn't that going to get me out of a job?

But this cop is basically just giving me a speeding ticket, only with a bathroom, right? So yeah, just sign your name, check the box that says I plead guilty, pay the fine, whatever. The time and the struggle of fighting this shit will ruin me. The only hope is that nobody finds out, or you're suddenly unelectable.

And yeah, he is now. Nothing can be done for it. I don't want to see him re-elected because I don't like his politics. But I'm really not at all convinced about this bathroom thing that he's really a homo, which is REALLY the reason why his home state is going to dump him, and why the Republicans want him out, because they don't want to look like idiots when beating that anti-homo drum.

But I watch the coverage of this, I hear that damn tape a thousand times, and you know what? I'm not buying it. Even as much as I'd LIKE to believe another Republican got caught out being hypocritical, I don't buy this case. And despite what some people might think, the truth still matters to some of us. Yes it's "an important issue", but before you make an issue out of ANYTHING you need to get the facts right.

I listen to that tape and I do hear the traffic cop badgering the "suspect" into just paying the fine to make it to away. And his other behavior? Well, the circumstantial adds up, true enough, but...

Maybe he's really who he says he is. Maybe he is the conservative family man, ever think of that? If it was your white trash uncle instead of Bill Clinton, the whole cigar and fat girl show would be creepy and nasty to you and it would be incredulous that your hick uncle would be suddenly taken seriously on a national stage.

Maybe he's really repulsed and offended by the Foley scandal. Okay, 17 year old "boys" getting hit on by a guy - not the coolest thing in the world, but nobody sheds any tears when young girls get hit on by old men. It's normalized. But maybe he really got offended by it. Maybe that's what his reaction was about.

And a lot was made about his speech where he bypassed the misdemeanor plea and went straight to saying "I'm not gay". Well? Put yourself in his shoes, you've been called what I imagine to him is equivalent to a pedophile, do you really give a shit about the traffic violation-caliber misdemeanor? No, you're trying to stop this terrible terrible stigma of gayness from attaching to you.

So no, I'm not convinced at all. I don't like the guy, I don't like the politics of fear, I don't like his party. But I think it's shameful nobody is standing up and saying wait a minute, this is nonsense, this isn't justice. The Republicans should at least back their own. The Democrats, I guess, are just playing this by not saying anything and will sort of shoot darts at it down the stretch in 2008. But they SHOULD stick to their principles, come out and say that the whole idea of wasting police resources to catch people being gay in restrooms is fucking ludicrous, a waste of money, an invasion of privacy, and another tool of the state to oppress homosexuals.